I’ve never had regrets. Everything that has happened in my life, I learn and grow from it. That’s what life is about right? Messing up, failing but learning how to get back up and try a little bit harder, smile a little bit bigger and keep moving forward. As this New Year has quickly shown up, I’ve thought back this past year. So much has happened in a year, it’s amazing the growth and challenges I have gone through. I can truly say how happy I am with how things are, with everything I’ve learned, overcame and experienced. I continue to grow into a stronger person. This post is about this past year and everything (well what I can remember) that has happened.
2017 was rough. It started out rough. I became really sick with Parvo Virus, lost my job because of it and spent the next few months losing all my strength and muscle. My body hurt, my joints screamed at me with every movement. Getting dressed hurt, opening jars, brushing my hair, moving. I felt like my body was falling apart. However, I’m determined and I worked hard on trying to heal my body with all the knowledge I knew of regarding nutrition and herbs. After two months I was regaining my strength and feeling better. I began working out again, trying to build my muscle back up. I started working part-time as a “professional organizer” which eventually led into a full-time job. I went on many dates, with many guys (never thought that would happen) and even with that I learned a lot and with each date I grew even more. In March I had a first date go very very badly. You can find that post on my front page, but I won’t go into it in this post. After being sick, I was able to pull myself back up and then a few weeks later I was knocked down again because of this date. I was shattered, broken. Two weeks later I was back up, learning from that horrible incident and trying to move forward. I can truly say I grew SO much from that. I wasn’t about to let it take me down or cause me to be “closed off”. It was sad, it was hurtful. But it wasn’t something that would cause me to change who I was (in a bad way) or become angry. So, thank you jerk face for making me stronger.
A few months later my mom moved down to California to be with my step dad. I wasn’t sure where I was going to live yet, but I knew if I just trusted, everything would work out. A friend of mine (and family) had just purchased a house, right when I needed a place. It had a little attached “studio” type place. Nothing was in it, except for a bathroom. I was able to design and help build my own little place. He turned his house into an Airbnb and I helped manage it. While I was waiting for my place to be done, I had moved all my belongings into the basement and lived with my brother for about a month with my dog and cat.
Finally in June, I moved into my newly designed space. It was fun living in a house with three guys, they are like brothers to me. When ever I’d go out on a date, they’d help me with my nerves, outfit and role play with me. Then when I’d get home they were there waiting to hear how it went. At this point I had two jobs, the Airbnb and the organizing job. As fun as it was, I wanted a change and I didn’t like the area I was living in.
A month later, in July, I moved again. This time into a nice studio apartment in a much better area. So once again, I packed up and moved all my belongings and animals. I got myself settled and my place all cozy. I’ve now been here for 6 months.
In late August, early September I became really depressed. I avoided people and just wore my big comfy sweater. I’d get up, drag myself to work then go home and lay on my couch. Hiding from the World. I was probably only like this for 1-2 weeks until I practically kicked myself to get up and snap out of it. I started going to a kickboxing class, which I soon became very addicted to and loved. I got into a really good routine of doing an hour walk every morning with my dog, then heading to my kickboxing class before I went to work. I felt amazing!
In October I went to visit my mom and step dad. During that time they decided to pack up and move back to Portland. So I flew back home and then a week later I flew back down to California to help them pack and then drove my moms car back to Oregon with her as my copilot and snack receiver.
Late October, early November I got sick again. The Parvo Virus had relapsed. I was on such a good track, feeling great, looking great. My body was becoming toned, strong and nourished. Then I was struck down once again. This time the pain was worse. As the weeks went by the pain exceeded. It got to the point where moving my pillows or blanket on my bed was too hard. I could barely stand or walk. By the end of each day my legs didn’t want to work anymore. My hands ached and didn’t want to move. Getting into my car was challenging, some days I had to help lift my legs in; they weren’t strong enough. Around the same time this was happening I was also working two jobs. I started helping with the candle company my family started, in the mornings; leaving my place around 7am. Then in the afternoons I’d go to my organizing, nanny job. I wouldn’t get home until about 6:30pm. My body hurt so badly. But, I don’t let challenges stop me. You can say I’m a bit stubborn in this area.
However, I felt so defeated. It was challenging always needing help AND not being able to work out. I didn’t have my routine anymore and I felt so stressed and out of it. However, I worked really hard on being gentle with myself and my body. It caused me to research tons of solutions for this and after 3 weeks I was able to find some herbs that over time have helped dramatically. There is a good amount of damage to my tissues from the inflammation but it’s healing.
Mid-November, I sold my car! I listed my car on craigslist and after a few weeks, finally had a buyer. I was upside down on that car and have really been wanting to just get rid of it and start over. I went a month without a car while I got caught up and now I have a new car which I really like.
Early December, I left my organizing, nanny job to start working full-time at the candle company. It’s been so exciting and fun watching our company grow. Mid-December, the pain in my body started becoming less and less. I gradually tried to start working out again. It was so hard feeling so weak. A few months ago I could do so many push ups and squats to then barely being able to do five. But I knew I would get stronger in no time. I didn’t want to over do it and make anything worse, so I took it slow.
As Christmas drew closer my soul hurt like it’s never hurt before. Christmas has always been a bit of a heart ache because it was when my Dad suddenly passed away. There is spot, in the center of my body, below my chest that feels this deep pain when Christmas comes around. This year it was stronger than ever. I cried deep sobs, yet no matter how much I cried, the pain wouldn’t go away. Eventually I realized I just need to acknowledge the pain, acknowledge the sadness and keep moving forward. Keep enjoying Christmas. And I did, I truly enjoyed Christmas with my family, even with that hole inside me, that only seems to open during this time of year.
End of December I signed backup for my kickboxing class. I had a better schedule again, I was feeling better and am now able to push my body a little bit more and a little bit harder each day.
January! It’s only been 5 days into January but I can already tell this year is going to be amazing! In a few weeks I’m moving into a bigger apartment, which I’m really excited about. It’s in the same complex, just a different unit. I will be able to bring my piano in and start playing again. I’ll have more room to bake and “get creative” in the kitchen. I’ll also have more room to paint abstract art. I have gone to my kickboxing class almost every day this week. My body feels great, it’s slowly getting stronger and gaining muscle again. My mental and emotional state is stronger than ever. I have a sense of peace that I can feel in my soul, that I haven’t felt before. I’m happy, healthy, content and so ready for what this New Year brings!
Let’s make it a great year and continue to learn and grow into amazing people!
A girl who’s stronger, wiser and ready to take on 2018,