We all make mistakes; we are human. We mess up, fall down, get back up and do it all over again. I’ve made plenty of mistakes. Messed up multiple times, put myself in bad situations, fallen down, cried for days, and blamed myself for not being “perfect”. I’ve struggled with self-hate, eating disorders, depression. Always expecting myself to be a pure, perfect person; when I don’t believe I am, I become self critical. I judge myself for not living up to my own “expectations”. I’ve always tried to be aware of my actions and where my feelings are coming from. Over time I’ve realized, I’m my worst enemy. These past few months, I’ve had a dramatic change; not only within myself, but my life. I’ve been tested, and put through some emotional, detrimental, life changing situations. Everything is changing, fast. I’ve been “slapped in the face” with a reality of life, I wasn’t fully aware of. Each day I’m growing more and more. These past few weeks I was hit with a realization; I am human. I’m not an “Angel”. I have an unrealistic view of how I should be living my life; what “being pure” means.
A few weeks ago, I ended up in a very bad situation. Immediately, I judge myself; hated how I felt. However, as traumatizing as that situation was, I can honestly say it changed me; in a good way. It’s what finally made me realize my unrealistic view of life and myself. It drew me closer to healthy, kind people; whom I pulled away from a few months ago. It caused me to attend church again. Caused me to see everything in a more “eye opening, pure” way. A healthy “pure” not the pure I created in my mind; something no human could ever be, only an Angel. I feel like I’ve grown 100% more in the past few weeks; towards a healthier, more positive, grounded life. Sadly, I’ve developed a new fear due to my situation. However, I’m aware of it and I’m trying to be gentle on myself while I process everything and continue to grow.
I have my good days and I have my bad days; I am human. I am whole. I am pure. But I am not an Angel. God loves me, my family loves me, my friends love me. I don’t need to feel alone, or be so hard on myself. We are all human, trying to make it in this world; filled with hate, judgement, lying, cheating. But also; love, peace, kindness, goodness. We all need to love more, show more kindness, and reach out to the people around us. We are all struggling with our own insecurities, stress, anxiety and life. Love each other. Lift each other up. You never know what someone is going through; even when they seem happy on the outside, they are most likely struggling and hurting on the inside.
We are human. I am human. Forgive yourself. Keep moving forward. Pray. You got this.
A girl who’s finally allowing herself to be “human”,