For the first time in my life I am content, living everyday in the moment. My past will forever be my past, something that taught me failure, pain, loss, hate. But also love, growing, respect, and success. I honestly believe if you keep living in the moment, and trusting that everything will work out how it’s supposed to, you’re life will feel much more peaceful and content. The song that’s linked on this post, explains exactly how I’ve been feeling and how we all should trust that we are “right where we should be”.
It’s funny because every time this year I write some kind of life post. December ignites some sort of passion and spark in me. It’s fun to look back and see where I was a year ago, two years ago. It shows how much I’ve grown. How much I’ve learned. I still deeply miss my dad every time this year. It’s truly amazing how my soul feels his loss so much more. I find myself often holding back tears, the tightening in my throat, the aching in my heart. I see little girls with their dads come into my work, I can’t help but smile and feel that loss. I don’t think I cry enough lol I’d like to just get a really good cry out, but it’s too deep inside me.
During December I automatically turn that pain I’m feeling so deeply, into happiness. Which comes out in bursts of overwhelming joy and excitment. For example, It’s cold outside and I can see my breath “YAY BEST DAY EVER”. I could skip, jump for joy, laugh, smile, and joke around. I want to surround myself with friends and family. I want to play games, be outside, have fun. I don’t want to spend this magical time of year, being sad. I keep my dad’s memory in my heart and then emit that into joy, excitment. Knowing he is always with me, looking out for me, smiling and laughing with me. I miss him, I miss him with every part of my being.
No matter how happy or how sad I am, I am “right where I should be”. I never thought I’d get to this point. At 14 years old, I didn’t even want to be living in this world anymore. I had no friends, was alone, sad, scared, masked by darkness. Now, I’m happy, content, peaceful, surrounded by light. I’m really putting myself out there, trying to make new friends, being outgoing and not be a hermit. My job has helped a lot in that department. I use to be so shy, now not so much.
My personality is pretty goofy. Too many times I’ve changed who I was to get people to like me. Now, I’ve gotten to the point where if someone doesn’t like my silliness, I’m just like “oh well, your loss”. lol Not sure if that’s bad. But really, I’ve gotten tired of people telling me to be something I’m not, constantly changing myself to accommodate so many people. Where I end up not even recognizing myself. Enough is enough.
Whether you are stuck in a rut, trying to find your way out, wondering if you’ll get that job/promotion, or anything else that seems unsettling or exciting. Just know you are right where you should be. If it’s suppose to happen it’ll happen. Trust me. I’ve tried to live by that my whole life, and usually when you just trust and let it go. It’ll happen or something better, you didn’t even imagine will happen.
This is a magical time of year after all.
I’ll end this post here. The song really explains this post the most.